businessinfront | IC INBOX

Yeah, but we knew you, so it counts. Or at least me an' Hunk did, Pidge had no idea who you were.

I don't think you knowing me made things easier.

Well, okay, maybe we're a bad example.

You think?

[ Keith snorts, but he glances over at Lance. ]

But... we did okay. And, I mean, if you seemed — shady or untrustworthy or whatever, I wouldn't have taken you guys out to my place at all. Much less out to the caves.

...Y'know, after I found out you didn't remember me, I did kinda wonder what made you trust us to do that in the first place.

[ Keith is quiet for a moment, surprise registering on his face. The why of it hadn't occurred to him to question until Lance said it out loud. ]

I don't know. Instincts, I guess.

[ His brows knit, and his teeth drag against a rough spot on his lower lip. ]

I didn't know what was gonna go down that night. Some kind of event, or arrival, yeah, but — it could've been anything. All I knew was that I was sure I'd have to handle it alone.

And then I didn't.

...Oh.

[ Lance really wasn't sure what he expected, but hat certainly wasn't it. ]

[ Keith wonders what "oh" means, coming from Lance, here. Keith hadn't put a lot of thought into it at the time — hadn't really put thought into it since, either. ]

I didn't think it was like— like destiny or whatever. I mean, maybe it was, but. You all trusted me, even though I probably looked...

[ Keith frowns, running a hand up through his bangs and letting them drop back into his eyes. He doesn't want to say it, but he's self-aware enough to know how it must have seemed — the dropout with an anger management problem, scraping out a living in a run-down shack with a conspiracy corkboard. Hell, he'd set up explosives to distract their teachers. They would have had every reason in the world to think he was unhinged. ]

Everything looked crazy, dude. There was a lot going on.

[ It's weird, thinking back now, to how Keith's weird conspiracy shack was the least weird part of his last 24 hours on Earth.

Keith's explosives were and still are a little concerning, though. ]

I guess so.

... and hey, besides, I did remember you. It just took me a second.

Okay, sure, let's rehash how incredibly flattering you remembering me like that was.

It had been a year, Lance.

[ Keith's voice is quiet, patient, and resigned to his eternal bewilderment. He still can't comprehend the entirety of whatever Lance's thing with him was. Is. If Keith had recognized him right away, would things have gone differently between them? He can't even imagine what that would be like.

But he gets it. He gets how it feels when someone looks at you and only sees the parts of you that you desperately wish could be different, or hidden, or better. He hadn't meant to make Lance feel like that, but he also knows that doesn't matter. The thoughtlessness of it was probably worse.

Keith picks at the rim of his drink with the callused pad of his thumb, feeling all out of sorts and not at all like he's "hanging out" properly. ]

I wasn't the kind of guy you should've been trying to impress back then anyway.

[ Lance sits up a little, frowning. He'd meant it lightheartedly, trying to put at least that much behind them, but as with everything he tries with Keith, it seems to have backfired. Hell, asking him to hang out in the first place seems to have gone stupidly wrong. ]

Okay, I wasn't exactly trying to impress you, but... Dude, you're a great pilot. Why wouldn't I have wanted to be like that?

[ Impress might have been the wrong word. Maybe he's read everything wrong again. ]

Well, you... you wanted me to notice you, right? [ He shakes his head. ] I just mean... I wasn't really seeing anyone back then. Not like they probably deserved.

...Shiro leaving and then disappearing on the Kerberos mission messed with you, huh?

[ It's not hard to guess that that's what set things off to get Keith thrown out of the Garrison. It'd been hard not to overhear gossip about his escalating anger issues and insubordination after the news about the Kerberos mission.

He wonders, but doesn't ask, what this means for Keith when they leave here and go back to the Castle without Shiro. ]

[ For a minute it's like being caught in a vacuum with no air, no sound, just the question thudding inside his ribs like the beat of his heart. He doesn't like how it makes him feel — vulnerable and dissected. Lance hadn't even asked unkindly. That almost makes it worse. ]

... Yeah. It did.

[ He tries to steel his gaze, but there's no hiding the traces of fear there. Guiltily, he stares down at the carpet. ]

I had... problems. Even before. Everyone knew it. But I didn't see the point in trying to hold them back after that.

[ He isn't proud of it, but he doesn't think he was wrong, either. It was all he'd known how to do. ]

[ Lance watches Keith's face, seeing everything all too plainly in his expression. That only makes him worry more, but he has to say something to that, right? ]

...Okay, so, I know this is gonna sound super weird coming from me, but, uh...

You know you can just ask if you need something, right? Help, or someone to talk to, or someone to help get your mind off stuff? Not just me, either, like, everyone. That's what a team is for, right?

[ Keith nods. Draws a breath. Tries to calm the rolling tension in his stomach. ]

Yeah.

I wouldn't know what to ask for. But thanks for saying all that anyway.

[ Lance wants to do something more, offer something else to make it better somehow, but he doesn't have the first idea what or how. ]

Well, offer's open for whenever. Even if you don't know what to say.

[ Keith is silent for a moment, trying to resist the urge to dump his bowl in the kitchen and run out the door or back to his room or anywhere at all out of the reach of Lance's concern. But: that's what a team's for. A leader should be someone you can talk to. Even if he doesn't— doesn't want— ]

This, [ he says finally, with a vague, awkward wave of his hand between them, ] isn't bad.

[ Lance offers a smile. That much, he can manage. ]

I can honestly say I've had worse hang outs.

I don't believe you.

No, seriously. [ He laughs, spreading his hands wide as if by way to demonstrate something. ] I was hanging out with one of my cousins, the last time I was home, and he looked awful the whole time, and I kept telling him no, it's cool, we can hang out when you're feeling better, but he insisted he was fine. He so wasn't.

We went out for lunch and he forced down a burger, and then we got to the movie theater with these two girls he knows, and they're both totally hot. But like, right when the movie's getting good, the girl he's with leans over to put her head on his shoulder, because she was into him, and he looks over at her and then just, all of a sudden— [ Lance makes an exaggerated barfing noise. ]

Projectile. All over her, and all over her friend that I was totally into. At least Hunk has the decency not to barf on people.

Oh my god.

[ Keith looks dumbstruck for a moment, eyes and mouth wide in horror— ]

[ And then he lowers his face into his hand, shoulders shaking with quiet, disbelieving laughter. ]

Okay, okay, so there are worse things than being depressing.

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